Marathon Thinking

Today, I am going to start with a journal entry from last week. I think it gives a little more insight as I “walk” with Candida daily…

“I have not had a yeast infection for 7 months. That is a point of celebration. When I consider that I was having one every couple of weeks last November, I have to think of that as victory. I say all that because I got a yeast infection last night and although it is discouraging, I have to remember the facts. Right now, I am feeling tired and want to give up. But the contrasting past is telling me to stay the course. I am certainly not at my worst.

How do we keep on? Will I get better? Will I be on my Candida diet forever? Honestly, only God knows the answer to some of these. There are two things I do to “keep on” at this point. I pray, and I use marathon thinking.

Praying is a struggle at times because my ‘Candida brain’ has a lot less focus. It feels a lot like a dog who sees a squirrel….distraction is everywhere. There is also that wonder of ‘will God heal me now’? He has the power, but will He? My 10 year-old daughter is convinced that I have this in order to help others get through it. That God is allowing this for that specific purpose. I do feel compelled to help people, but this sickness is a hard road to go down. So, I am overwhelmed with humility and honor to be able to help others who are in such a difficult battle, but carrying on is a challenge for me too. I will continue to cry out to God for healing. I will also continue to do my part to encourage my body to heal, and I will take as many as I can down the healing path.

Marathon thinking may be a little hard to describe. It’s when you are running a marathon, and you are trying to keep your mind from giving up. Your mind will give up long before your body does. When I was running say the 20th mile, I would have to say to myself ‘just keep going until you get to the bottom of the hill’. The bottom of the hill becomes my focus until I reach it. Then I say ‘just keep running until you get to the mailbox in the distance’. That mailbox becomes my focus until I reach it. So it goes on and on, breaking down the huge goal into little visual goals. This is challenging, but it works. Eventually the huge goal is accomplished.

I use marathon thinking when I start to think about giving up on this diet. Especially today, when I have a yeast infection, I start to think ‘what good is this diet, if I still ended up with a yeast infection?’ The truth of the matter is, I have gone 7 months without one. Even though I would love to have a piece of bread, I am going to tell myself, ‘today is not the day for that.’ I need to eat more veggies that are full of prebiotics and continue my probiotics, like yogurt with live cultures, kefir, etc. I am going to focus on today’s choices. I am not going to think about never being able to have carbs again. That will lead to self-destruction. I am going to focus on one meal at a time until the day is over. Then my goal for the day will be reached. That’s how I get through each day, and most days end up being easier than I thought to stay on course.

Do I ever cheat or flat-out fail? YES. I have to admit that sometimes, I just take a bite of something with sugar or carbs. That bite sometimes is helpful to then “move on”. As long as that 1 bite doesn’t turn into a binge, otherwise, it can do more harm than good. One bite for me has never led to a relapse. It’s simply not enough to set the Candida off.

There are times when I have eaten a couple of slices of pizza. Not all pizza is created equal, for me one particular pizza made me feel like I got hit by a car. It left me exhausted and achy. When I had another kind, I had no reaction. That’s when I was introducing carbs back in. Right now, though, I am back on no carbs, no sugar, no caffeine, so I will not be eating pizza.

Sometimes I will know a couple of hours after eating something that it was not a good choice. I may or may not have known that ahead of time. If I was too lazy to ask what was in the sauce of something I was ordering or I ate a piece of cake I knew I shouldn’t, either way is not good. I eat at home most of the time and tend to not have sauce or dressing. Seasoning, Himalayan pink salt crystals, lemon, lime, and unpasteurized cider vinegar have become my main tools to flavor my food. Through experimentation, I have actually grown to enjoy this kind of food. It is satisfying and healthy. There are so many recipes on-line now, so you can research it easily.”

Looking back at that week, I have discovered a few things. I had a tough week overall. I had a more physical week, a dental appointment, and my first chiropractic appointment. One of these events alone could have released toxins in my body. It is important that I look at the whole body and the events in my life. I may think of diet being the main contributing factor, and it does make a huge difference, but I must also remember the amount of stress I undergo also has a significant effect.

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2 thoughts on “Marathon Thinking

  1. I wanted to let you know that I have found your posts to be encouraging. While I do not share the same health issues with you, the one that I do have has similar day to day struggles-mentally and physically. When I am having a rough day (or week or even month) It’s so easy to feel as though I struggle alone while other people get to enjoy their lives however they want. My kids aren’t aware, not fully, because I hide it from them. Mostly, because I don’t want them to be scared or worry about it, but seeing how supportive A. is with you, I am rethinking my decision. Taking things one day at a time, sometimes one hour or even one minute, is how I get through the marathon. I completely understand the frustration you feel when faced with a setback. It can be very discouraging. I haven’t said what my health issue is, although mainly because I am still working on accepting it, but seeing you open yourself up to others has helped me in moving that much closer to letting my own walls down a little more.

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    1. Thank you, Mel. I totally understand. I do look at other people sometimes with those same eyes. What I have come to understand is everyone has their own unique set of problems. Other people look at how thin I am and assume I am completely healthy. Looks are deceiving. They may be struggling with something too. I have been open with my family since the beginning because I knew they had seen me at my worst. My interactions with them were stressful. I felt I was treating them poorly…overreacting and such. I needed a change and so I felt like telling them would help us all. I kept it from others for a while because I didn’t think anyone had heard of this sickness and they would think I was crazy. Over time, I realized that there are too many people being misdiagnosed, and I was haunted by it. It still feels “naked” to talk about some of the issues, but it is a huge blessing to be able to help others. Hearing from you is awesome. I wish you didn’t have to struggle, but I will be praying for you. You need a cheerleading squad to get through this. Let your family be a part of it. Mine helps me stay on my diet, they pray for me, and provide encouragement. When I have an episode, they help by doing more chores around the house. It is a team effort. They will learn to love deeper. It is also a learning experience for us moms. We can’t be supermoms. We have to take care of ourselves too. (Like the airplane illustration… In case of an emergency, put on your oxygen mask first, them help others get theirs on.) If we don’t take care of ourselves, we will not be able to help others.

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