Part of the recovery process is learning and avoiding your trigger points. If you can’t avoid them completely, modification is required. The word “normal” doesn’t seem to cut it anymore because a person’s body can be in constant flux, especially when in recovery.
Before Candida, I could push myself physically. I could handle more emotionally. That’s what landed me here. My body’s threshold is lower now, so trying to push through can be detrimental to healing. My nature is to empathize with people deeply. I remember at one point, pushing that away. It felt very awkward, but the fear of getting sick again was at the forefront of my mind. In some cases, I would feel the concern for others come over me, then I would get achy within a few minutes. It was crazy how soon I would get symptomatic. If I had a really physical night at work and followed it up with yard work the next day, it was the same. I gave up my workout routine in November and December. I tried working out again in January with modifications, but soon I gave it up again for 3 or 4 months. I started to look at it in total, if I added everything up physically and emotionally, I could see the pattern. I was starting to see more connections or triggers.
Another connection I noticed, was at the more stressful times, I had more cravings. It didn’t matter whether it was a physical or emotional stress, I would crave carbs and sugar. The carbs and sugar “feed” the Candida. At first, I gave into the cravings. When I realized what I was doing, I snapped inside. I started to think, “if the Candida wants to eat tonight, I’m not feeding it.” It was all out war. This anger over something I couldn’t see, actually helped me fight it.
Trigger points change as you heal or relapse. It’s trial and error. It can be frustrating at times. When I felt better, I would do more, then I’d get symptomatic, get discouraged, cut back, feel better, do too much,……and the cycle continued. Protecting myself was a challenge. I have kids, a husband, friends, and work and everyone is counting on me. I had to learn to say no. I had to cut back and admit to my family that I couldn’t do certain things anymore. I needed more help. My kids do more chores around the house. They know when I’m getting symptomatic, and they respond differently now. They offer to help more often. I think the best thing that has come out of that is they know it’s not me, but the sickness. I felt so guilty for a long time about my interactions with them when I was really bad. I felt trapped, and I couldn’t control my moods. Now I am in a better frame of mind and they can see the difference.
Whatever you’re struggling with, start journaling. It is the best way to see all these connections or trigger points. When your body is compromised, it’s too hard to remember. Seeing it on paper, puts it in perspective, especially over a period of time. Knowing your trigger points and modifying your life is invaluable.
Looking at the bigger picture, maybe this is a growth period for all of us. No one enjoys these challenges, especially health challenges. I can only hope that we will all come out better for it. My kids and husband are learning I am not a supermom. Who can live up to that anyway? We can die trying, but who does that benefit? I am learning I can’t be “God,” meaning I can’t do it all for all. That’s not my job. I can’t fix everything. I am just a girl trying to do the best I can with what I have. I am certainly not in control, and I need to continue to release that.