Last weeks’ blog was a little heavy as I was heavy-hearted. I was dealing with some symptoms that had popped back up. I increased my grapefruit seed extract to 2 tablets per day. I also added an additional weaker probiotic that was in my refrigerator. I usually take my more reliable “shelf-stable” one, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to add the second one. I have gotten better the past few days and have been encouraged.
I was finishing my book Eat Dirt by Dr. Josh Axe this week. I really appreciate his work and how he explains “gut” science. I have been learning more things about Candida and treatment. Here’s an eye-opening passage from Eat Dirt: “Those with candida gut are known for their empathy and strong feelings of responsibility. But you can’t fix the world. Learn what your limitations are. Stop worrying about another person or situation that you can’t do anything about anyway. At the same time, don’t wall yourself away from the world. Company and conversation can be quite therapeutic, especially if your friend has a listening ear.”
I never related this health issue directly with personality traits. I knew that I had certain quirks that made Candida a harder fight for me. Taking on too many other peoples’ burdens as my own, trying to save the world, not knowing my limitations…these are all factors that I knew added more stress, making it harder to recover. Could it go deeper than that? Is this specific group of people with these personality traits more susceptible to Candida? Then multiply that by an additional emotional trauma, heavy antibiotic use, or a high sugar/processed food diet and we are lead to the Candida fast track.
As I look back, it is difficult to digest it all. People ask me, “Wasn’t this diet supposed to be temporary?” Well, I was hoping. I honestly don’t know what the future looks like. I never imagined the healing process to look like this for me. When I think of my “weakest” times, they are sad memories. For example, One time, I dropped my son off at karate last year and I said, “I can’t go in. I have to sleep in the car. I’m sorry.” There were many times I asked my daughter to make me sauerkraut, a natural probiotic, because I was too weak to squeeze the cabbage with my hands. There were countless other times during homeschooling last year where I just “shut down” and said, “I need to sleep, continue your studies.”
All of these moments I lost to Candida, make me appreciated the moments I have now. I decided to at least do one more year of homeschooling in order to redeem last year. The kids are more “flexible” and understanding and I have more strength. I have been able to do more things and be more “present” with them. We have gone on more field trips, and the kids are taking private music and art lessons. On the whole, life has been more enjoyable.
Life is still a fine balance though. I always have to remind myself of my limitations. I have to learn to let things go. When I don’t, I will pay the price by becoming symptomatic. In turn, my family pays the price. They see when I fall, and I think it is discouraging and difficult for them too.
Encouragement comes from our family and friends supporting us. We honestly can’t know the future for our health. We could be miraculously healed in an instant. We could be on a health crisis roller coaster. We are all in this together, for better or for worse. I am thankful for my friends and family that are on my wellness team. They pick me up when I fall, embrace me when I’m tired, and encourage me with sweet words of victory.