The more I understand where I have come from and the struggle I have been through the last couple of years, the more I feel compelled to encourage others to persist. The more I understand the multi-faceted struggles of Candida and the healing I experience, the more clearly I see the battle. It reminds me of an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’s book The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. The movie does not do this scene justice. If you get a chance to read this book, I highly recommend it. One of the characters who is selfish and seems like a rotten little boy gets turned into a dragon because of a bad decision he makes. After suffering for a while, he starts to regret his decision. He is met by Aslan, a Christ figure. Aslan is the creator and one true king of Narnia. He represents everything that is good. Here’s the excerpt:
“But the lion <Aslan> told me I must undress first…
I was just going to say that I couldn’t undress because I hadn’t any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that’s what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.
But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that’s all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I’ll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this under skin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.
Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good…
Then the lion said — but I don’t know if it spoke — You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.
The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know — if you’ve ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away…
Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off – just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt – and there it was lying on the grass, only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me – I didn’t like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I’d no skin on — and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I’d turned into a boy again…”
Wow, What a process! Healing from Candida is painful at times. It is emotional and physical. Depending on how long someone is afflicted, it can be a more painstaking and long process. If Candida isn’t completely eradicated, one may go through several bouts or cycles. This is completely normal and you are not alone. I lost my hope of healing for such a long time even as a person of faith. It was difficult to stay on the journey. Candida changes the chemical balance of the body. It makes the body crave food to feed it. Candida changes the ph of the intestines so it becomes a more supportive environment for Candida multiplication. In turn, the mind is also affected. I can’t tell you the number of times I thought I was going crazy or schizophrenic. Every decision was met with anxiety and fear, whether I was planning out meals for the day or making major financial decisions. I always wondered how much other people could see into my life at that time. Could they tell I was on the brink of emotional disaster? Could they tell I was barely holding it together? In fact, I wasn’t holding it together. I found that I couldn’t fix “it” anymore. I felt empty, overwhelmed, alone, and had no focus. It was during all this that God was holding me together, allowing me to go through all this for a purpose. I did my best to just get through my tasks each day. If you read my older blogs, you will see many examples of this.
I reflect on all this for a couple of reasons. It propels me forward to continue making wise eating choices and reminds me to keep eliminating stress in my life. Reflection also shows me that without persistence over time, healing is not an option. I see so many people who can have healing, but choose not to. They quit too early. It is very painful to watch. I want it so badly for them. Maybe they have lost their hope too. This is a long battle, but it is winnable. Be persistent. Be passionate. I believe God has given me the resources to fight this and the ability to help others. There were so many times I thought I couldn’t financially afford the changes, but God has provided every step of the way. There were other times I thought I couldn’t endure it, but God carried me through minute by minute. I understand the challenges you face, but it is your choice to win. Every day will be a struggle, but it will get easier over time. I pray that you would be given the courage and the strength today. Choose life.